Discussion in 'Smack Talk' started by Carlsbad_Bolt_Fan, Dec 5, 2008.
...from jerking off?
A: Paint his d!ck blue & gold and he won't touch it for at least 5.5 years.
How do you get a Raider fan off your doorstep?
Pay him for the Pizza he's carrying
I was thinking just call the cops... I'm sure he's wanted for some type of crime! :lol:
A guy walks into a bar wearing a Raiders jersey, and carrying a cat that also has a Raiders jersey on with a little Raiders helmet on his head, too. The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Raiders game here? My TV is broke and my cat and I always watch the game together".
The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the cat, I'll have to ask you to leave."
The guy agrees, and he and his cat start watching the game. Pretty soon the Raiders kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.
The bartender says, Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?"
The guys answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years!"
A San Diego Chargers fan, a Cincinnati Bengals fan and an Oakland Raiders fan were all in Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the US Army.
While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in & arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they were sentenced to death!
With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik decided that they could be released
after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said "It's my 1st wife's birthday today & she has asked me to allow each one of you one wish before your whipping".
The Bengals fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while & then said "Please tie a pillow to my back". This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Bengals fan was carried away bleeding & crying.
The Raiders fan was next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself) & after watching the scene said "OK, tie 2 pillows to my back". But even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes, sending the Raiders fan crying like a baby.
The Chargers fan was last up (he had drunk the most) but before he could say anything the Sheik turned to him & said "you support the greatest football team in the world, your supporters are the best & most loyal fans in all the world. For this, you may have 2 wishes".
"Thank you, your Royal Highness" the Chargers fan replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my 1st wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".
"Not only are you an honorable man, you are very brave" said the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be"? the Sheik asks.
To which the Chargers fan replied...."Tie the Raider fan to my back".
...and counting :icon_rofl:
I'll be forwarding all of these to my Raider fan buddy.
I'll be sure to share his responses.
Separate names with a comma.