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Rep Hos Anon VI - Peace and Harmony

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Thumper, Oct 21, 2007.

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  1. in_a_days
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    in_a_days dgaf

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    Much better now that I've had like 5 cups of coffee. :yes:

    I was a little groggy when I got up this morning... had a few beers and popped a couple pills at band practice last night. But caffeine cures all! :icon_mrgreen:

    How YOU doing?
  2. PowderLove
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    PowderLove Former Mod, Current Slacker

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    Something wierd is happening...whenever I post, the forum tells me an error occured. When I refresh the page, my post shows up along with another post after it that is time stamped anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes in the future. Is the Matrix glitching or something? Is the spoon REALLY there?
  3. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    All Repped Out!! :)
  4. BoltsFanUK
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    BoltsFanUK Well-Known Member

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    I'm good thanks..having football withdrawal symptoms but i am playing for team now

    www.thesaxons.co.uk
  5. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!

    The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
    She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I’d take it."

    Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli:
    "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "A modest little person with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

    "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

    "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.” - Jack E. Leonard

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

    "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
  6. BoltsFanUK
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    BoltsFanUK Well-Known Member

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    Thanks mate..its pre-season training atm and games later on:tup::tup:
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  7. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    "Sir, you're drunk"

    "Madam, you're ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober" Winston Churchill said this in reply to Bessie Braddock, a member of the British Parliament.
  8. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    So they are investigating why 750 people lost power in England. They find a power line cut halfway.

    With a hacksaw blade embedded in it.

    Checking hospitals for idiots with burned hands. Treat for "shock."

    http://blogs.dailymail.com/donsurber/2008/02/12/3171/

    Apparently, a number of West Virginians Darwinize themselves annually trying to steal copper wire like this (and it's Darwin's birthday today, I think. How fitting).
  9. Concudan
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    Concudan Caffeinated Commando

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    Office politics. As some of you might have noticed I am not the best person to deal with PC matters, I say what I think.
  10. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Are You lonesome tonight - Senior Citizen Version

    ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? (Senior Citizen Version)



    Are you lonesome tonight?
    Does your tummy feel tight?
    Did you bring your mylanta and tums?

    Does your memory stray,
    To that bright sunny day,
    When you had all your teeth and your gums?

    Is your hairline receding?
    Your eyes growing dim?
    Hysterectomy for her,
    And its prostate for him.

    Does your back give you pain?
    Do your knees predict rain?
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

    Is your blood pressure up?
    Good cholesterol down?
    Are you eating your low fat cuisine?

    All that oat bran and fruit,
    Metamucil to boot.
    Helps you run like
    A well oiled machine.

    If it's football or baseball,
    He sure knows the score.
    Yes, he knows where it's at
    But forgets what it's for.

    So your gallbladder's gone,
    But your gout lingers on,
    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

    When you're hungry, he's not,
    When you're cold, he is hot,
    Then you start that old thermostat war.

    When you turn out the light,
    He goes left and you go right,
    Then you get his great symphonic snore.

    He was once so romantic,
    So witty and smart;
    How did he turn out to be such
    A cranky old fart?

    So don't take any bets,

    It's as good as it gets,

    Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

    Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building!!
  11. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each question.


    Ready??

    Begin.

    1 When do you feel your best?

    a) in the morning
    b) during the afternoon &and early evening
    c) late at night

    2. You usually walk...

    a) fairly fast, with long steps
    b) fairly fast, with little steps
    c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
    d) less fast, head down
    e) very slowly

    3. When talking to people you...

    a) stand with your arms folded
    b) have your hands clasped
    c) have one or both your hands on your hips
    d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
    e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

    4. When relaxing, you sit with...

    a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
    b) your legs crossed
    c) your legs stretched out or straight
    d) one leg curled under you

    5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

    a) big appreciated laugh
    b) a laugh, but not a loud one
    c) a quiet chuckle
    d) a sheepish smile

    6. When you go to a party or social gathering you ...

    a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
    b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
    c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

    7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted. You...

    a) welcome the break
    b) feel extremely irritated
    c) vary between these two extremes

    8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

    a) Red or orange
    b) black
    c) yellow or light blue
    d) green
    e) dark blue or purple
    f) white
    g) brown or gray

    9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are ..

    a) stretched out on your back
    b) stretched out face down on your stomach
    c) on your side, slightly curled
    d) with your head on one arm
    e) with your head under the covers

    10. You often dream that you are...

    a) falling
    b) fighting or struggling
    c) searching for something or somebody
    d) flying or floating
    e) you usually have dreamless sleep
    f) your dreams are always pleasant

    POINTS:

    1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
    2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
    3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
    4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
    5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
    6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
    7 (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
    8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
    9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
    10. (a) 4 (b) 2 ( c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1
    Now add up the total number of points.

    OVER 60 POINTS : Others see you as someone they should 'handle with care.' You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

    51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

    41 TO 50 POINTS : Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

    31 TO 40 POINTS : Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

    21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then , usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

    UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.
  12. wrbanwal
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    wrbanwal Well-Known Member

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    YIPPPEEEE!!!


    THE SUNS OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A COUPLA WEEKS!!!


    [​IMG]
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  13. Buck Melanoma
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    Buck Melanoma Guest

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    Ever heard of hallway sex? :icon_shrug:

    That's when you & your spouse/significant other pass in the hallway & say "**** you" to each other.

    :lol:
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  14. wrbanwal
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    wrbanwal Well-Known Member

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    QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT

    Can you cry under water?
    ________________________________________

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    ________________________________________
    Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
    ________________________________________
    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

    ________________________________________
    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
    ________________________________________
    What disease did cured ham actually have?

    ________________________________________

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    ________________________________________

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

    ________________________________________

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    ________________________________________

    Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

    ________________________________________

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    ________________________________________

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

    ________________________________________

    Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

    ________________________________________

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    ________________________________________

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

    ________________________________________

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

    ________________________________________

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    ________________________________________

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    ________________________________________

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    ________________________________________

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

    ________________________________________

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    ________________________________________

    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    ________________________________________

    Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

    ________________________________________

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    ________________________________________
  15. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    All Repped Out!! :)
  16. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Working within the system-

    A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

    The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

    The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

    When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

    The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

    This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, and then leaves.

    Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

    The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."
  17. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    How to simulate the life of a sailor-

    How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor...
    ~ Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.

    ~ Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.

    ~ Repaint your entire house every month.

    ~ Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the showerhead to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

    ~ Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

    ~ Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.

    ~ On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.

    ~ Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can’t turn over without getting out and then getting back in.

    ~ Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."

    ~ Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house - dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.

    ~ Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle loudly, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."

    ~ Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 am while she reads it to you.

    ~ Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 pm.

    ~ Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not.

    ~ Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.

    ~ Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.

    ~ Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.

    ~ Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

    ~ Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.

    ~ Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (midrats)

    ~ Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.

    ~ Every week or so, throw your dog in the pool and shout, "Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.

    ~ Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.

    ~ Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.

    ~ When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.

    ~ Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

    ~ Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.

    ~ Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.

    ~ Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for "liberty." At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.
  18. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Spurs beat the Cavs 112-105!!

    Manu with 46 points, 8/11 from three point land!!

    Go Spurs Go!!
  19. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Making deals with God-

    Maxine was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.


    Looking up toward heaven, she said, 'Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila.'


    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.


    She looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
  20. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Who's the daddy??

    The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'father's details;' or putting it another way.... Who's yo Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out #11. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.


    1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.


    2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.


    3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.


    4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.


    5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.


    6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.


    7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.


    8 Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.


    9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .


    10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.


    11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.


    Yep, you guessed it right - you are all paying taxes to support these ????????
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  21. Carrie1219
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    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    Man, I got stuck in traffic in a snow storm today.. It took me about 1.5 hours to go five miles. :eek:
  22. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    The teacher asked the children if they could use the word "beautiful" twice in a sentence. A few of the kids including Little Johnny raised their hands. The teacher was not about to pick Little Johnny as he always seemed to include something dirty in his answers.

    Little Sue was waving her hands and the teacher picked her. Little Sue said, "This morning, my mother picked some beautiful flowers and made a beautiful floral display." The teacher said, "Very Good, Sue," and then picked on Mike. He said, "My father has a beautiful fishing rod and caught a big, beautiful fish." "Very good, Mike," she said.

    She looked around the room and the only one with his hand up was Little Johnny. As much as she did not want to hear what he had to say, she had to pick him.

    Little Johnny cleared his throat and said, "This morning, my mother and father and sister and I had some delicious waffles for breakfast." The teacher thought to herself, "This may not be so bad after all." Little Johnny continued. "My sister told my parents that she was pregnant and my father said, "Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful."
  23. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    :icon_eek: :icon_sad: :tdown:
  24. BoltsFanUK
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    BoltsFanUK Well-Known Member

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    thst defo is slow:yes: but better to be safe than sorry:tup:
  25. KimPossible
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    KimPossible BoltTalker

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    That's good Chris. My daughter your age just finished water polo and is now on the swim team.
  26. Buck Melanoma
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    Buck Melanoma Guest

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    I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

    She looked pretty good for a 70-year-old.
    In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever had a "Sportsman's Double?".
    'What's that?' I asked.
    'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. "Oh." I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.' And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like.

    We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

    I went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:

    'Mom, you still awake'?

    :icon_eek: :unsure: :lol:
  27. Buck Melanoma
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    Buck Melanoma Guest

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    SMART *** ANSWER #6
    > It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines.
    > 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
    >
    > 'What are my choices?' John asked.
    > 'Yes or no,' she replied.
    >
    > SMART *** ANSWER #5
    > A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
    >
    > As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
    trench coat and flashed her.
    > Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your
    stub.'
    >
    >
    > SMART *** ANSWER #4
    > A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she
    couldn't find one big enough for her family.
    >
    > She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
    > The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
    >
    >
    > SMART *** ANSWER #3
    > The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
    down his window.
    > 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
    >
    > The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
    > When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
    ticket
    >
    >
    > SMART *** ANSWER #2
    > A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
    > A sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge Ahead'
    >
    > Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
    the bridge.
    > Cars are backed up for miles.
    > Finally, a police car comes up.
    >
    > The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on
    his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
    > The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'
    >
    >
    > SMART *** ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007:
    > A college teacher reminds her class o f tomorrow's final exam.
    > 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
    >
    > I
    > might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
    > or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
    > whatsoever!'
    > A smart-*** guy in the back of the room
    > raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was
    > suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
    > The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
    > When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes
    her head and sweetly says,
    >
    > 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
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