Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Carrie1219, Feb 17, 2009.
"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Sammy what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Crabtree, out at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights, he done ate six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to Ma, "That coyote's back again; I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," he whispered to all us kids!
"He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop." As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog, Zeke, had done woke up and comes sneaking' up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Zeke stuck his cold nose in Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!"
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down...:lol:
I hope that ECGB and Toby are on the mend. I am now on Z-PAC and Albuterol. Horrible day with hopes of starting to feel better by tomorrow.
My neighbors have brought me some sorbet, peppermint tea packets and a Japanese soup. The sorbet is sooo soothing for my throat right now. Thank Gawd.
I'm feeling much better today; hopefully tomorrow I'll be back to my ol curmudgeonly self :icon_evil:
Same here. I had larynx surgery this morning.
And yes, this is begging for pity rep.
I will be moving this weekend...
I hate moving...
This is Darn serious stuff.... beer contains female hormones!
Last month Mississippi State University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phyto estrogens); therefore, by drinking enough beer, men can turn into
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 pints of beer within a
one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1. Argued over nothing.
2. Refused to apologize when obliviously wrong.
3. Gained weight.
4. Talked excessively without making sense.
5. Became overly emotional.
6. Couldn't drive.
7. Failed to think rationally.
8. Had to sit down to urinate.
No further testing was considered necessary.
Aw, dammit, I fell for it!!!:icon_evil:
And I thought we were supposed to get smarter with age......:no:
It's a shame that youth is wasted on the young.
:icon_eek:If I still had it, at this age I'd forget what the hell I was supposed to DO with it.
The full copy of AJ's presser is on the main site in multiple files/segments... See the little multimedia window..
Edited: ...and I enjoyed hell out of watching all six segments!
Despite popular rumor, AJ has neither grown horns nor taken to carrying a pitch fork into the Media Center. (He has, however, purchased a new shirt I really liked).
what in the hell are you talking about?
I know :icon_eek: :icon_sad:
I miss Deb's 10 Friday questions thread. :icon_shrug:
Good, Hope you and all yours are doin well.
Pffft it is all attitude dude! I started my second childhood early so i could squeeze more in! :icon_banana:
The Adkins diet? <runs>
Nah, Adkins is just a fad. I am eating less and being more active. And no, I dont mean I increased my key strokes per day! :icon_evil:
so do I, where did she go?
Well if you are going to start something, how do you know when you are finished?
Last year I had bronchial pneumonia and lost 27 lbs. After I got back on my feet decided to keep it off - but have "found" about 7 lbs of it sneaking back. IMO eating less and getting more physical activity is the ONLY good way to lose weight and keep it off.
p.s. broken cookies have no calories what-so-ever according to my wife.
That is my point exactly.
word, I think
Today, the wife and I will celebrate our 45th wedding anniversary. We were wed by a Justice of the Peace in Nevada on February 29th, 1964 - apparently it was a civil case that ended with a life sentence.
HAPPY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY YOU TWO. :icon_banana:
Congrats.........45 thats a life time........ hope you go for fifty more.
Separate names with a comma.