Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BFISA, Mar 17, 2008.
The CMA's're on!!
"Stay" written by Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland got Song of the Year!!
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman . He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man ! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his ****in widow.
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess
something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just
what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
The Zen of Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper,that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
(my favorite one)
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
"One Shoe Can Change Your Life..."
Drunk fat guy at a Christmas party has to go to the bathroom.
Eventually he comes back out and axts the hostess, "Do you have green toilet paper that says '**** You'?"
"Of course not!"
"Uh Oh! I think I just wiped my *** with your parrot."
(Mebbe he wasn't fat.)
Rascal Flatts got Vocal Group of the Year!!
I thought Emerson Drive shoulda got it, but Rascal Flatts is a great group!!
Vocal Duo of the Year went to Sugarland!!
Jennifer Nettles is a Hottie!! :yes:
George Strait's Troubador Album got Album of the Year!! :yes: :icon_toast:
George Strait's from right here in San Antone!! :yes: :flag:
Carrie Underwood is the Female Vocalist of the Year!!
Brad Paisley is the Male Vocalist of the Year!!
Entertainer of the Year goes to Kenny Chesney!!
Shania Twain presented this award!!
Conc was there?
I know he better be there for the Falcons and Broncos!
All Repped Out!!
Good morning from sunny San Diego!!!
Going to the Wild Animal Park today. Yesterday was the zoo. Had some awesome sushi last night at Harney Sushi in Old Town. :yes:
A REDNECK LOVE POEM
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID,
MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
Brings a tear to yo eye, don't it?
I gotta get back to the homeland one of these days!!
I will try to use the mystical powers of the mooch... The mooch is strong in this one! :lol:
:wave: Mornin all gotta go see ya............................................................
GO BOLTS !!!
you like raw fish?
Why TV is going away for some in 2009
:lol: H8ter that's funny!!!
How many "W's" was that?
Separate names with a comma.