Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BFISA, Mar 17, 2008.
Yes, Dr. Scholl's would probably be a good idea for sis.
St. Paddy's Day:Oceanside will never be the same.:icon_party:
Corvette Diner last night for another gf's b-day: We totally trashed our table and the surrounding floor. And we were only high on suGar. Paper balls and straws everywhere. What a BLAST.:icon_twisted:
I have incriminating, er, photographic evidence of both.
I'll post them up eventually.
hey guys..how are you lot
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone. The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. 'Hi Susie,' he said, 'how do you like your new phone?' Susie replied, 'I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though...'
'How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?'
Two old friends were just about to tee off at their golf course
when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind
if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Not a problem," they said, "Come join us."
They began play and enjoyed the company of the newcomer.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asked, "What do
you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" both friends responded.
"No, I'm not," he said, as he reached into his golf bag,
pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large
telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."
"That's quite a sight," said the one friend, "I think I might
be able to see my house from here."
He picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the
direction of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic.
I can see right through the window. I can see my wife in
the bedroom and she's naked! Wait, that's my neighbor
in there with her...He's naked, too! The bit*h!"
He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do flat rate, one thousand dollars every time I pull the
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot
her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's a friend of mine,
so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took aim with the rifle, standing perfectly still
for a couple of minutes.
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
*wait for it*
"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save
you a grand here!"
All Repped Out!!
Hi Sweetie :wave:
Guys, tomorrow is EC's birthday. Looking for something good for his B-day thread.
The important part is the moral of the story...
The Pastor's ***
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S *** OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ***
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS *** FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's *** and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!... AND.... you might get more ***.
OK, I threw in that last sentence. :lol:
A patrolman pulls over an old man who'd been driving, weaving and running red lights. Patrolman pulls him over and asks "Sir, did you know you're wife fell out of the car two blocks ago?"
Old man answered "Oh thank God. I thought I was going deaf!"
Beer fights cancer
We don't even understand ourselves some of the time...
If you can't then who will
12 o clock and all's well.
Typical Lurker? :icon_huh:
Is that THE Typical Lurker?:icon_shrug:
At one point during a game, the coach called one of
his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand
what cooperation is? What a team is?'
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose
together as a team?'
The little boy nodded yes.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called,
you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head.
Do you understand all that?'
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy
gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach
'a dumb A-hole' is it?'
Again the little boy nodded.
'Good,' said the coach. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your
...or dad :icon_eek:
I love the Boss button on NCAA March Madness..its awesome
Scamming the scammers
its way kool!!
Using it at school is funny:yes::yes:
The operative word being logical.
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.. "com-for-da-bul."
Note: The names were changed to protect Shammy...
Separate names with a comma.