Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BFISA, Mar 17, 2008.
In that case, the value of my property jes went down :icon_eek: :icon_sad:
Hay! Your "next-door-neighbor" has a bull that is handing out ceegars made of questionable material - they were already down!
I know :icon_eek: :icon_sad:
On June 3, 1965, astronaut Edward White became the first American to "walk'' in space, during the flight of Gemini 4.
My kinda Zen-
The Sarcasm of Zen
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Morning hoes! I have my rep work cut out for me here.
Just finished drilling 77 holes with an auger to set concrete right-of-way monuments. I'll be feeling THAT tomorrow!! :icon_sad:
Ah, the life of a surveyor. :lol:
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his
9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you
understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win
or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an
out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire,
or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so
another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sports-
manship to call your coach "a dumb *******" is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain
all that to your grandmother."
All Repped Out!!
Wel, we have another birthday to add to the list. June 12th.. is Bolt Attack's birthday. :icon_toast:
Let's par-tay!!!! :icon_party: :icon_banana: :icon_party:
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Triple Crown Fashion
The final leg of horse racing's Triple Crown, the Belmont Stakes, will be run this weekend. Big Brown won the first two legs and will try to become the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed in 1978. I hope he wins, so "analysts" will quit trotting out (HA!) that stat.
The only people who know anything about horse racing are degenerate gamblers who drink and smoke too much. Everybody else attending these events is just there to be seen. Like at the Derby. The women are really into the hats.
It's the shoes, however, that are most important at all of these events. The horses have their own shoes, of course. But, I have been provided a photo of the latest shoe fashion that all the well-heeled will be wearing at Belmont this weekend.
The rumor is that Sarah Jessica Parker will be around this weekend to announce her endorsement. Maybe if she turns her ankle, somebody will put her down.
For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who
just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are
often taken literally....
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the
class was squirming around, itching his crotch, and not paying
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just
recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he
should do about it.
He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at
his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it
out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
:icon_rofl: :icon_rofl: :icon_rofl: :icon_rofl:
On June 5, 1968, Sen. Robert F. Kennedy was shot and mortally wounded just after claiming victory in California's Democratic presidential primary. Gunman Sirhan Bishara Sirhan was immediately arrested.
To all my friends who in 2007 who sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT **** WORKED!
For 2008, could you please just send money, Alcohol, chocolate or gasoline vouchers?
THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be
deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my
father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test We couldn't ask for
a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car...
rom today's Greenville, NC paper.
"Deputies investigated a report that someone broke into a 34-year-old man's home in the 3100 block of Shepphard Mill Road and stole seven bull terriers valued at $2,100 and a computer and printer valued at $2,100."
Why I fired my secretary-
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday!",
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought...Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for
the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning
and by the way Happy Birthday !" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a
beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a
beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office,
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss,
if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying
a huge birthday cake...followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and
co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Old ain't dumb!
A strong young man at a construction site was bragging
that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a
special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had enough.
'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,'
he said. 'I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something
in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able
to wheel back.
'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied. Let's see you do it.'
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by
the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said,
'All right, Dumb ***, get in.'
Baby's First Doctor Visit
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,
checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight.
You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said,
"I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
The hit-by-pitch Walk-off win by the Padres!:lol::lol::lol: Just now.
Padres win 2-1, bottom of 9.
Banks pitched awesome again but didnt get the win. I think it was Trev as the pitcher of record.
Trevor did get the win, his first this season!!
Go Pads!! :icon_toast:
Man, the Pads left a whole buncha runners on base tonite, but as Uncle Teddy said, "if the Pads win, nobody cares; they did win, and nobody cares." :icon_rofl:
Separate names with a comma.