Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BFISA, Mar 17, 2008.
I don't see it!!!
A young farm lad from Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy.
"Dad," he says," you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Old Blue how to talk!"
That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.
So how's Old Blue doing, son," his father asks.
Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says," but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Old Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Old Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives in town?' "
The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a b i t c h before he talks to your mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to become a lawyer.
What new sig... I only see a box with a red X in it. What is your new sig?
Hi Carrie, got mine too! Thanks Conc!
Very nice; and the AV ain't bad, neither
I got the tix, homie honey.
I will guard them with my life. :yes:
Encounter with the FEMA genie
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull
gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
'Well, cowboy,' says the genie.. 'You know how I work....You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
He was turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story:
If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.
Natalie Coughlin!! :flag:
Aaron Piersol and Matt Grevers!!
USA 1-2 in the 100m Backstroke!!
Peter Vanderkay with the Bronze!! :flag:
New World Record!! :yes:
Rebecca Soni with a Silver in the 100m Breaststroke!! :flag:
My God, our male gymnasts are absolutely raking on the high bar :yes: :flag:
Al Trautwig on the Chinese Men's gymnasts on the high bar tryinta clinch the Gold in Team Finals: "Anyone who's Chinese and has a TV, is watching this."
He's right; I'm part Chinese and I'm watchin it!! :yes:
USA choked on the Pommel Horse and has to settle for the Bronze!! :flag:
Tim Whatzisname on the last Chinese gymnast on the high bar: "This guy could fall about 3 times, and they'd still get the Gold!!" :icon_rofl: :flag:
The Russians took gas and finished out of the the medal chase :icon_eek:
When told the reason for daylight saving time the old Indian said...
"Only a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, and sew it to the bottom of a blanket, and have a longer blanket."
OMG OMG OMG
HE DID IT HE DID IT!
Phelps won and broke the WR!
Dude must be part fish!:icon_eek:
Oh, I guess these are repeats.
Well, its the first time for me to see them win, anyways.
NO American Olympian has won more gold medals than his current total. Time to start getting ready for the next race - wow what a work load!
I just watched this LIVE at about 10:35 PST. Piersol just poured it on at the end.
All Repped Out!!
Did you know that eagles mate for life?
Well, one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary,
his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't
return, he went looking and found her. She had been shot.
Dead! Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes
of mourning he decided that he must get himself another
mate, but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd
have to cross the feather barrier.
So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove
and brought her back to the n est. The sex was good but all
the dove would say is 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'
Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of
the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.
He soon found
a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the
sex was good but all the loon would say is, 'I am a LOON, I
want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'
So out with the loon.
Once more he flew off to find a mate.
This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck
back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck
would say was.....
No, the duck didn't say THAT
Don't be SO disgusting!!!
The duck said,
'I am a DRAKE
you made a MISTAKE !!!!!!!!!!
Good afternoon! :icon_banana:
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