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The Joke Place

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by SDRaiderH8er, Jun 30, 2006.

  1. BFISA
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    BFISA Well-Known Member

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  7. Carrie1219
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    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    Yup!!:lol: :yes: :tup:
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    • Like Like x 1
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  21. SDRaiderH8er
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  22. LightningStrikes
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    Who is God?

    A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
    "Both son. God is both."

    After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

    "Both son, both."

    "Daddy, does God love children?"

    "Yes son, he loves all children."

    The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
  23. LightningStrikes
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    A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.

    The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

    Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

    ''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

    ''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

    ''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

    ''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

    ''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

    ''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ***, didn't it?'''
  24. wrbanwal
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    A Michigan blonde joke

    A young blonde woman from Cheboygan was so depressed that she
    decided to end her life by throwing herself into the
    Straits. She went to the Mackinaw Bridge and was about
    to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young
    sailor saw her tottering on the rail, crying.

    He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much
    to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if
    you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
    good care of you and bring you food every day."
    Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder
    and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me
    happy."

    The girl nodded yes. After all,what did she have to
    lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her
    life new meaning.

    That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her
    in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made
    passionate love until dawn.

    Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she
    was discovered by the captain.

    "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
    explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's
    screwing me."

    "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the
    Mackinaw Island Ferry

    :abq2: :abq1: :abq2: :abq1:
  25. Buck Melanoma
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    Love In a Mental Hospital

    Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

    Jim and Karen were both patients in a mental hospital.

    One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

    Karen promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

    When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Karen's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

    When she went to tell Karen the news she said, "Karen, I have good news and bad news.


    The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that
    you have a sound mind.

    The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt
    right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

    Karen replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

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