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Dick Cheney facts

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by AnteaterCharger, Jul 5, 2007.

  1. AnteaterCharger

    AnteaterCharger Calibrating Bolttalk, Podcast by Podcast Staff Member Super Moderator Podcaster

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    Why? Because I can

    The only thing hard enough to cut Dick Cheney is Dick Cheney.

    Dogs are afraid of vacuum cleaners. Vacuum cleaners are afraid of Dick Cheney.

    Dick Cheney takes candy from babies, then later gives it to diabetic babies.

    Bathes every night in the warm, viscous plasma of freshly killed Iraqi insurgents to keep his skin soft.

    Ted Kennedy is afraid to drive with him

    After turning down an offer from Mafia Don, Cheney woke up with a horse head in his bed. He grabbed it, held it like a teddy bear, and went back to sleep.

    Dick Cheney's iPod contains only "The **** Shop" by 2 Live Crew, set on "repeat."

    The temperature in any room he enters mysteriously drops by 10 degrees.

    It is widely believed that free-range chickens are far superior to captive ones, as they result in a more tender, juicy, healthful meal. Dick Cheney believes this too, but about homeless people.

    Dick Cheney was bitten by a radioactive spider in high school, imparting to the spider Cheney-like powers.

    Cheney is in a secure bunker in an undisclosed location. Not for his protection, but for ours.

    Dick Cheney calls each and every member of the Washington press corps a "c-c-s-ck-r," but does not do so because of any personal animus--the man just knows.

    Contrary to conventional wisdom, Dick Cheney actually has the bleeding heart of a liberal...He keeps it in a jar under his desk.

    The Israelis invented reactive tank armor after stealing blueprints of Lynne Cheney's birth control diaphragm.

    For the past 32 years during his family's Christmas dinner Dick Cheney has carved and served the turkey pardoned by the President at Thanksgiving .

    Dick Cheney communicates only in 1337-speak

    Dick Cheney refuses to obey the First Law of Thermodynamics on principle.

    After sex, don't count on Dick Cheney to cuddle. Unless by "cuddle" you mean 'bury your corpse.'

    Dick Cheney deliberately piloted the Titanic into an iceberg because someone cheated him at high-stakes shuffleboard.

    After a couple of brewskis, Dick Cheney does a wicked karaoke of Dolly Parton's "Love is like a Butterfly".

    Cheney will solve the deficit problem in due time because he, and only he, knows how to divide by zero. In the meantime, he just enjoys watching everybody sweat.

    Dick Cheney carries a leather bag filled with one tooth from the mouth of every man he's murdered in cold blood. The bag is forty feet in diameter and weighs approximately six tons. When Harry Reid pisses him off, he just points to his Big Bag O' Teeth and mouths out the words, "There's still room."

    Dick Cheney considers the law of gravity to be more of a guideline

    Cheney once killed and ate a congressman in front of a visiting troop of girl scouts, as part of his demonstration of "how a bill becomes law."

    Dick Cheney periodically goads Germany to invade Poland to prevent Europe from "going all sissy".

    Dick Cheney blocked the filming of The Lord of the Rings for forty years, because he deemed Elves "too f***ing faggy." Production could only begin once he was busy running for the Vice Presidency.

    Dick Cheney's measured, elegant speaking style belies the fact that he opens all Senate sessions with "Listen up, mother-f***ers.", and then throws a gavel at Barbara Boxer.

    Dick Cheney won the first season of Survivor by eating the other contestants and camera crew. CBS is too scared to air the footage.

    As CEO of Halliburton, executives from rival megacorporations would attempt to kill or capture Cheney to ransom him for Halliburton stocks. Cheney survived all 273 such attacks, his Wyoming ranch uses their skulls to mark his territory.

    Pablo Picasso once paid for a $1200 meal by taking a simple napkin and signing it "Dick Cheney."

    Dick Cheney killed the dinosaurs. One at a time.

    In a bow to conservationsists, Dick Cheney converted his SUV. It now runs on orphans. And puppies. And orphan puppies. Also, it gets 1 mpg city, 3 free way. And he never leaves the city.

    Dick Cheney's favorite snack? Souls.

    Death didn't take a holiday. Dick Cheney had him shipped off to a secret prison in Bulgaria and had him waterboarded.

    Cheney refuses to wait for his heart to attack him . . . has spent years planning a pre-emptive strike.

    Dick Cheney was once kicked out of a theater for interrupting the movie "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer." He kept shouting "you f***ing amateur!" at the screen and throwing popcorn.

    Toughest part of George Bush's job - convincing Cheney to give better justification in meetings with foreign dignitaries than "Because that's just the f***in' way I want it."

    It's not nice to try and fool Mother Nature - it's suicide to try and fool Dick Cheney.

    When it snows in Washington, Dick Cheney doesn't put chains on his tires, but instead uses hippies.

    At one point, Cheney considered diversifying his oil interests. He abandoned the idea after learning that baby oil wasn't actually made from babies.

    Condi Rice, wasn't "born," per se - she actually sprung fully formed from Dick Cheney's forehead.

    Louis Farakhan said "Dick Cheney has single-handedly set back the civil rights movement 30 years. And in a recent speech Cheney said, 'We can do better.'"

    Dick Cheney has repeatedly pressed for Congressional resolutions banning torture, because it's not as fun if it's legal.

    When Dick Cheney has a heart attack, no one in DC dies for the next 24 hours. Death is back home in the ninth ward pissing himself.

    Dick Cheney used to write children's' stories under the pen name "H.P. Lovecraft."

    Dick Cheney shits things that are smarter than Al Gore.

    Einstein theorized that nothing could go faster than the speed of light, which was constant. However, scientists have recently learned that light travels even faster ... when it's running from Dick Cheney.
     
  2. Buck Melanoma

    Buck Melanoma Guest

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    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! :icon_rofl:
     
  3. Ride The Lightning

    Ride The Lightning Join the Dark Side, we have cookies.

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    Dick Cheney is a f'n douchebag.

    Good work Ant.
     
  4. AnteaterCharger

    AnteaterCharger Calibrating Bolttalk, Podcast by Podcast Staff Member Super Moderator Podcaster

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    i like him but hey i love to crack jokes about people :tup:
     
  5. D-Funk

    D-Funk BoltTalker

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    Why do you like him?

    His dumbass started a war in Iraq just so he could get paid out by Halliburton.
     
  6. Buck Melanoma

    Buck Melanoma Guest

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    QFT
     
  7. Shamrock

    Shamrock Well-Known Member

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    Dick Cheney is my hero.
     
  8. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Jes doan go huntin wid'im :icon_eek: :no: :icon_shrug: :icon_huh: :icon_rofl:
     
  9. MtlBoltsFan

    MtlBoltsFan Jesse Ventura/Howard Stern 2016

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    Hey guys look it's Bush and Cheney's gay grandparents

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Shamrock

    Shamrock Well-Known Member

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    I'm safe. He only shoots lawyers .....
     
  11. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    How'bout wannabees still in law skool?? :icon_huh:

    Geez, in that case, I may go huntin wid'im :icon_eek: :yes:
     
  12. Carrie1219

    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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  13. Carlsbad_Bolt_Fan

    Carlsbad_Bolt_Fan Well-Known Member

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    "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to carrie1219 again."
     

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