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Man Law

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Boltdiehard, Jun 22, 2006.

  1. Boltdiehard

    Boltdiehard Well-Known Member

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    MAN LAW

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss' car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    (e) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
    i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
    Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
    have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

    29: Pull out

    We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

    "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

    "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

    We hope this clears up any confusion.

    The International Council of Manhood, Ltd
     
  2. Drunk

    Drunk Well-Known Member

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    BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the balls to say, "You're next!"


    :icon_rofl:
     
  3. SDRaiderH8er

    SDRaiderH8er Well-Known Member

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    You mean I get to hold an umbrella?

    I dont even own one.
     
  4. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    It wasn't my fault...they photochopped me :icon_sad: :no:
     
  5. Thumper

    Thumper WHS

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    What ever happened to that photochop? :icon_rofl:
     
  6. WonderSlug

    WonderSlug Well-Known Member

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    The fact that some dude knows exactly when this 'event' happens is little scary. :icon_eek:
     
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  7. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Let it lie, Rabbitt!!:icon_evil:
     
  8. O'reilly

    O'reilly Well-Known Member

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    Heed your own advice Toby...:icon_evil:
     
  9. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Look here OR, don't start no SH, there won'be any IT!!:icon_evil:
     
  10. AnteaterCharger

    AnteaterCharger Calibrating Bolttalk, Podcast by Podcast Staff Member Super Moderator Podcaster

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    If you cut someone off and do not give that person the 'wave', then the other man has the right to curse you out and give you the bird and you can't do a damn thing about it
     
  11. Carrie1219

    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    Toby,

    If I didn't think leisure would use this against you I'd post this pic I have this pic of BB, you, Thumper and ABQ with your heads chopped on fat women, wearing bikinis.... :icon_rofl:

    I have several of you in solo pics wearing pink bikinis as well as your speedo pic.... For now, they'll stay hidden....:icon_mrgreen:
     
  12. Trumpet_Man

    Trumpet_Man Well-Known Member

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    Can u be bribed ? :icon_eek:
     
  13. Carrie1219

    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    I'll PM you some "funnies"
     
  14. Trumpet_Man

    Trumpet_Man Well-Known Member

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    Gimme more :icon_rofl:
     
  15. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Whad'd I dota you??:icon_sad: :icon_shrug: :no: :icon_eek:
     
  16. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    :icon_evil: Jes freakin great :icon_evil: ...well ****, see if you can chop onuv OR; we can't exclude him!!!:no: :icon_eek:
     
  17. Carrie1219

    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    I've got some good chops of O...:icon_mrgreen:

    very sexy in that pink bikini...:icon_wink:
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Carrie1219

    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    Can we still be fwiends?:icon_eek: :yes:
     
  19. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Jesus, I'm such a push over!!:icon_eek: :icon_mrgreen: :lol: :icon_rofl:
     
  20. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    Oh, ya gotta PM me onea those...I'll be discreet!!:icon_eek: :lol: :yes:
     
  21. AnteaterCharger

    AnteaterCharger Calibrating Bolttalk, Podcast by Podcast Staff Member Super Moderator Podcaster

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    Man Law
    Being bribed by women with naked or semi naked pictures of themselves and their hot friends is acceptable
     
  22. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    :no: :icon_evil:
     
  23. Trumpet_Man

    Trumpet_Man Well-Known Member

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    :icon_rofl: :icon_rofl: :icon_rofl:
     

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