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Now for something totally different

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Concudan, Nov 30, 2007.

  1. Concudan

    Concudan Meh... Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 5, 2006
    Episode 1.5 Vista sucks ass.

    The deck plating was cold, but did not phase Tuatara-911 as is slid across the floor on it metallic legs. The protocol was clear, it had to gain access to the escape pods, he was reroute when he detected a familiar voice.

    “T911! There you are, I have been looking all over for you!” It was the synthoid, Otago-IPO. OIPO’s bronze exterior was dully reflective in the flickering artificial florescent lighting of the ships corridors. “What are we to do, the forces of the Parliamentary Left are going to be here any moment.”

    T911 thought momentarily about giving OIPO a good whack with his metallic tail to stop his incessant whining and *****ing, but thought better of it. OIPO knew how to draw a good hot oil bath, and buff out the kinks from T911’s back and tail just right, so he had to put up with the droning of the metallic tart’s complaining until he could find some way of deactivating OIPO’s voice module…

    With a series of whirs and clicks T911 told OIPO to can it and come with him to the escape pods. T911’s optical sensors rolled in his head as OPIO went on a new rant. “Escape Pods?! We are not allowed in there, and did you tell me to shut up?! Oh no you didn’t!” OIPO takes a stance and snaps his fingers in the air at T911.

    With more whirring and clicks T911 imparts his message and without awaiting a response begins to move again. OIPO stops and say “Mission, your on a mission, what are you talking about fool?!” He then realizes the last of the message “The Left do melt down captured Synthoids don’t they?! Wait up bitch!” OIPO calls after the disappearing form of T911.

    The Escape pod is cold and when the door closes, the pod is violently shot from the ship like the flatulence from a Denibian Gopher Grouse. OIPO not ready for the sudden increase in the G-force finds itself flung against the door of the pod. In a muffled voice it says “If I had nerve endings, I would be in pain right now.”

    Thus the Pod spins towards the desert planet below, OIPO’s face getting smaller and smaller as the pod increases it’s distance from the two ship which are locked in combat in the unforgiving blackness above.

    Meanwhile back on the Ship:
    The wall section grows red hot then burst inwards. The Tasmanian Rebel fighters stand ready as the corridor fills with smoke. There is a moment of quiet and this increases the uneasiness of the rebels.

    Then with the sound of clawed feet on metallic deck plates the Kiwitroopers pour from the hole in the hull of the ship with a blaze of green energy preceding them. The brown, plastic looking armor of the kiwitroopers did not make them look frightening as much as give light to the low budget numbers the Parliamentary Left had been putting into military spending. But the dingo blasters held in their tiny hands could fry a man with one shot.

    As if one queue the Tasmanian Rebels began returning fire. Blaster bolts danced in the air, marking the deck, scorching the paint on the walls, knocking out a light here and there. For what seemed like and eternity the two sides unleashed hell at one another in the form of polarized blaster energy. When there was just about no paint is left upon the walls a blaster bolt from a kiwitrooper hits a Rebel in the arm. As if they are one, all rebels drop their weapons, throwing their hands in the air and yell “Nous capitulons!”

    Then emerging from the cloud of ash and smoke before his ranks of kiwitroopers came the cybortronic form of the hideous Lord Platypus, the most vile, rancid and evil platypus to ever plat a pus. The mechanical whirring sound of his breathing sending chills through the few remaining members of the Tasmanian resistance.

    His evil flowed before him like a physical force, causing even the most hearty Rebel to flinch as if struck.

    The Tasmanian rebels knew that their doom was upon them. For there was no more feared weapon in the Parliamentary Left arsenal than Lord Platypus, destroyer of Seti Alpha V, Crusher of the Lemming Rebellion, Collector of Income taxes, and winner of the Denibian Flatulence contest six years running. No, Lord Platypus was not a creature to be trifled with.

    He stood there in Black shiny armor, light flickering on his chest like a Christmas tree, as the inner mechanisms gave life to his near lifeless body. The corridors seemed to darken by his mere presence. Even the Princes, Huia of Kaitangata had no power over the Dark Lord. For it was said that he was an evil master of the Dingo Powers, strange mystical forces which could move things, give life or take it.

    “Lord Platypus! I should have known it was you by the foul odor, what is it you want! How dare you attack a ship on a diplomatic mission! You…” Princess Huia stats but is quickly cut off by the Dark Lord.

    “You have stolen plans, you are part of the Tasmanian Rebellion and a traitor!” He points a black gloved finger at her… He then steps closer, “C’mon just give me the plans, I gotta look good for the boss, you know how it is, holidays are coming up and if I want a good bonus I have to impress him… I can make it worth your time. Hey! I know, tell me and I wont blow up your home!”

    Princess Huia just looks aghast at the Dark Lord, it could be his words or the foul odor that was just released by the creature, to this day none know.

    Next time Episode 2.1 Return of the Macintosh!
  2. PhillyChargerFan

    PhillyChargerFan Well-Known Member

    Sep 25, 2006
    Last year I went to be an e-machine (for the kids) I wanted XP but everything had Vista loaded :tdown: Thank god I don't use that computer :tup:
  3. nickelbolt

    nickelbolt Fuggedaboutit

    Aug 20, 2006
    You had me at "deck plating..."

    You lost me at "escape pods..."

  4. ETicket

    ETicket Well-Known Member

    Oct 24, 2006
    Yeah! Tell me a Mac story Conc...
    View attachment 628

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  5. PowderLove

    PowderLove Former Mod, Current Slacker

    Jul 12, 2007
    I know why so many people have trouble with Vista. It's the same reason Macs are so friggin expensive. A brand new high powered operating system needs brand new high powered hardware. It costs around $1000 or more to build a stable Vista machine, but not a lot of people want to spend that much. Also, a lot of existing hardware won't work, simply because the hardware makers don't write good enough drivers. If Microsoft had their own pc business like Apple does, then people using those machines would not have all of these problems.

    It's funny, I use my self built Vista based pc for all sorts of multimedia and it works beautifully. For hundreds less I have a more powerful computer that can do everything I need it to and everything I don't.

    If Apple made cheaper computers that were as much better than IBM clones as a Mac fanboy would suggest, why wouldn't everyone get one? Apple still doesn't have more than 10% of the home computers market, simply because they charge more with the same exact same hardware. And before you say it, my computers NEVER had a virus they shouldn't have.

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