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This One's For the Girls

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Lightning's Girl, Apr 8, 2007.

  1. Lightning's Girl

    Lightning's Girl Mod Chick =) Staff Member Moderator

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    THE FIVE STAGES OF A WOMAN'S LIFE

    1) To grow up;
    2) To fill out;
    3) To slim down;
    4) To hold it in;
    and...........
    5) To hell with it!!

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Personally, I hit Stage 5 after the birth of my last child 16 years ago.........after you've had a 10 1/2-pounder, there AIN'T no 'holding it in'.:no:
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Carrie1219

    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    :lol:

    Mark me down for stage III and IV... :icon_tease:
     
  3. Johnny Lightning

    Johnny Lightning Go Bolts

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    [​IMG]
     
  4. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN



    Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half-wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.



    Between 20 and 30, a woman is like America. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.



    Between 30 and 35, she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.



    Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.



    Between 40 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.



    Between 50 and 60, she is like Russia, Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.



    Between 60 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.



    After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.







    THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN



    Between 15 and 90, a man is like Zimbabwe. Ruled by a dick.
     
  5. Carrie1219

    Carrie1219 Banned Banned

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    Hmm, I've never invited anyone over to visit "Yugloslavia"....:lol: I'll tell people, I'm like Medjugorie... the area that fared the best during the war. :icon_tease:
     
  6. Johnny Lightning

    Johnny Lightning Go Bolts

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  7. SDRaiderH8er

    SDRaiderH8er Well-Known Member

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    Okay, when do we know when #1 has been reached?
     
  8. nickelbolt

    nickelbolt Fuggedaboutit

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  9. rexy2006

    rexy2006 Well-Known Member

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    I done skipped that one, went straight ta two.:yes:
     
  10. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    This post does not reflect how I feel about alla y'all ladies, but it is what it is-

    Never Question a Drunk

    A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected:

    A half-gallon of 2% milk,

    A carton of eggs,

    A quart of orange juice,

    A head of romaine lettuce,

    A 2 lb. can of coffee,

    And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

    As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

    While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

    The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

    Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?"

    The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
     
  11. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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  12. Johnny Lightning

    Johnny Lightning Go Bolts

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  13. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    I prefer "provacative", but I'd settle for "**** stirrer"!! :icon_eek: :yes: :icon_rofl:
     
  14. Johnny Lightning

    Johnny Lightning Go Bolts

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    :yes: :icon_rofl:
     
  15. BoltsFanUK

    BoltsFanUK Well-Known Member

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    :icon_rofl: :icon_rofl:
     
  16. Lightning's Girl

    Lightning's Girl Mod Chick =) Staff Member Moderator

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    **snort**

    :icon_rofl: :icon_eek:
     
  17. Lightning's Girl

    Lightning's Girl Mod Chick =) Staff Member Moderator

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    :icon_rofl: :lol: :rockout: :five: :hilarious:
     
  18. Nomadic Bolt Fan

    Nomadic Bolt Fan Well-Known Member

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    :icon_rofl:
     
  19. Nomadic Bolt Fan

    Nomadic Bolt Fan Well-Known Member

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    :icon_rofl:
     
  20. PhillyChargerFan

    PhillyChargerFan Well-Known Member

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    :icon_rofl: :icon_rofl: :icon_rofl:
     
  21. BFISA

    BFISA Well-Known Member

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    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts."
    "After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.
    **********************************************

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake & put the window down.
    4. Find handbag - remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.
     
  22. Johnny Lightning

    Johnny Lightning Go Bolts

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    :icon_rofl:
     
  23. Lightning's Girl

    Lightning's Girl Mod Chick =) Staff Member Moderator

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    Hmmmmmmmm.........sounds just like the ditz in front of me at the drive-thru ATM last payday.:tdown:
     

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